Humor – Economic Double Entendres

CNBC is starting to sound like late night Cinemax with all the double entendres. I think I heard this report last night and actually double checked to see if I was still on the business channel.

Female Anchor (FA): We are going to need a really big package to make this worth the effort.

Male Anchor (MA): How big does the package need to be to make you happy?

FA: I really think we need something that can go deep enough to put a smile on everyone’s face. The stimulus package will have to penetrate deeply to reach all consumers on a personal level.

MA: What do you have in mind that can really stimulate us the way you think we need it.

FA: The economy needs longer, harder stimulation. It has to be something that doesn’t let the economy turn limp prematurely.

MA: So what you are saying is that stamina is important for what ever Congress whips out in front of us?

FA: Exactly, we’re going to have get Congress to give it up like they always do for the automakers instead of pretending they don’t want it when we all know they do.

MA: I think you are on to something. Government has been massaging numbers for too long. It felt good at first, but we need real hard figures to keep the CEOs from pulling out from their plans for growth that rises to meet expectations, but for how long do you think the Fed can keep it up?

FA: It’s just that the Fed was late in trying to lubricate the wheels of business and now it’s hard to be sure any stimulus package will be able to penetrate enough without leaving us sore with inflation for years to come. The more the Wall Street goes down on this, the harder it is going to be to get it up again. These results could stay limp for a long time.

MA: The new administration needs to find the sweet spot and focus on fulfilling the need at this point. They are going to have to try out some new positions to see what feels best for the people on Main Street. It seems everyone wants a piece of the action at this point and they all seem to be stroking the big ones in charge to get what they want.

FA: Anyone who is receiving already must know someone on top.  Some senators have had their hands all over this for months and many wonder if the larger package will ever come. At the same time, business heads are swelling with excitement.

MA: It’s not just the government, banks will have to be flexible on who they give it to also. Investors are still looking for something big to satisfy them and the banks will have to be part of this three way party. Congress can’t just try to slide something in the back door and expect everyone to like it.  They can’t go both ways forever.

FA: We are in agreement then. We all need the package to be big enough to get excited about it and it might take more than a shot to prop it up. Many Americans including myself are interested to see if the President Elect delivers, he talks about and totes his stimulus package around with him, but I want to see it!

MA: I don’t think you’re the only one. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I’m on my way to Hawaii to get leid while I can afford it.

* What else have you heard that could fit in this attempt at humor?